torn

hey guys
this week has been a big one for me, full of mixed emotions. First there was the high of the family weekend away, it was fun and a real oportunity (that wasn't missed) for us as a family to bond. We spent the first night having dinner together as a family and than going for a spa, than we went to the dutch shop the next day and than some of us went golfing (me included) while some of us stayed behind with the kids and went for a swim. it one of the best weekends i have had in a while.

Than it was back to work, the worst day of work i have ever had, if you read my last blog update you may have realised, but lets just say it was a mix of people being negative and nieve and hormones ;) any way i was the most grumpy and upset i have been in a while.

Than the next day (and here where torn comes into it) at tafe, i found out that one of my old residents was going into surgery to have their arm amputated due to cancer, i was mixed because i don't want them to die but them living with out an arm... i mean its their only  limb that they can use and with out it well its not the same, they can't eat, stand, conduct to their fav music.... so in a way i was hoping (secretly) that they wouldn't make it through the op, but in a way i despreatly hoped they would make it through and be alright.... so the next day at work when i hadn't heard any thing (as i was hearing via via via...) i was so antious that i was just cleaning every thing, i vaccumed the whole house (at work) cleaned the linen cupboard and a bed room... and so on, than my boss is like "is this a welcome back gift or something???" and im like no i clean when i am antious and i told her and she is like no i just checked my email they are doing fine and is out of icu and everything, i didn't know whether to cry or laugh or be happy or be sad, i think i nearly passed out with not knowing not to do.... i think at that moment i was just releaved but for any one out there that doesn't know the feeling you don't know until you are in the possition its tough knowing that someone you love is in surgery to remove a part of their body... some one you looked after and lived their life with... to know that the doctors were just in surgery taking the personallity off their body... but when i heard they made it through... its hard... so thats why i was torn in between happy and sad... i think i just went numb....

And than from being numb to being happy again, me and cait went to Albany to visit Olivia and Cyndi caits friends for the weekend, it was a blast, great fun.

So i have been on a rollercoster this last week... hopefully it will calm down again...but than again, life would be boring without the little bumps in the road...

see you soon :)