Frustration....

Have you ever been so angry, so frustrated that all the fingers on your hands, all the toes on your feet, every part of your body just aches and wants to punch or hurts someone or something??? Its not the nicest feeling is it? well that was me a few hours ago, it just makes you feel like screaming!!! yelling!!! hurting something and bad... well i got up (real fast,and angry, pushing the table away and all the books falling off - but lets not talk about that...) went to the lounge room, found all my music books and got out my sax and played until my lips hurt and i couldn't get any more notes out and i didn't feel like punching something any more...
It makes me sad to know that there are some people out there that do not have a means of getting rid of their anger and frustration and have to actually go and hurt someone. But it also makes me thankful that i have the gift of music that i can go to to get out my frustrations and anger its great.
so what was i so angry at??? well firstly i had a long 2 days at work where, lets just say i had my patience run thin (and when ur at work you are not allowed to get angry at the residents and you have to keep ur cool) i was pretty close to losing my cool but i kept it together, but just ask mum and caitlin that i came home on sunday night absolutly brain dead, and today i was run pretty close again aswell and than i came home and i looked at my home work and the questions and i thought 'ok thats not too bad at least it tells you where to get the answers from' but lo and behold i looked, and looked, and looked.... and looked oh and i looked for those answers every where in my book where it said it would be, i looked in my other book and than that was it, i snapped and thats where my sax came and saved me from hurting someone...

it just puts it into reality that no matter how hard you try, how many deep breaths u take, how many times you count to ten some times you just need an out let. i remeber when i was a eucalypt camp, it was the wednesday, i had had absolutly no sleep maybe an hour or so, sinse monday, i was doing the dishes, it was 15 min till we were due to leave, my 2 girls that i had weren't ready, the dishes needed to be done, i was getting whining from one side from one of my girls, i was getting 'ur still in ur pyjamas??' from the other side and i was getting where does this go? where do u want this? and on top of that i had been given an extra camper for the day and my one strong should that i could lean on was sick for the day... i was running to my room to get something and i was asked one more questiong and i jsut stood there and screamed and yelled... and MAN it felt good... i lasted the day because of that i recon...

it goes to show that no matter how hard we try we are still human and we need to look after ourselves before we can look after any one else, and we have God to help us with that, i honestly don't know where i would be if i didn't have Him... He is my strength and i lean on Him to help me through...

it reminds me of a saying:
i may not be a perfect christian, some times i get angry, sometimes i talk back to my parents, i don't want to do my work, (and it goes on) but God still loves me xoxoxox

see you soon